An Amazing Moment... Without The Murder

Sometimes in life it's those little things that make your heart twinkle. You know what I mean? Tonight, for example, Melanie and I sank into a routine of preparing a dinner together. We laughed and joked, I used silly accents while I chopped up anything I could find to put into our salad. It was fantastic.

I spoke last time about how much my wife inspires me, and this was truly another one of those inspiring moments. It reminded me of the husband-wife moments you'll often find in a James Patterson novel. Usually, the happy--and financially loaded--couple are in their marble-countertopped kitchen feeding each other nibbles of expensive cheese and sipping wine while they stir up some shallots or some other equally-sounding ritzy side dish. They giggle and spank each other on the butt, tickle and wink. Then they end up in bed together and have the best post-dinner sex you can imagine (in novels the characters don't get gas when they exert themselves after eating). Then the husband rolls over and strangles the wife to death, or the wife presses the barrel of a .38 to the husband's temple and pulls the trigger--the resulting pop-blat from the pistol drowning out the spatter of blood and brain on the headboard.

Yeah, so it was like that--except for the actual James Patterson part.

I guess I should read more Nicholas Sparks books for moments like that.

However I end up comparing it, it was wonderful, and I can't wait to do it again tomorrow night.

Sincerely, and so much in love with my wife, Michael

Because SHE is my inspiration....

My wife started a blogging group inspired by NaBloPoMo. The subject matter is still a random selection, but the focus is health. Specifically, the kind of health you'd talk about following a New Year's resolution....

And you know how I hate those.

But I started to give this a lot of thought. I looked at today's topic: "What keeps you going when you just want to stop?" and I had an immediate answer: The looming thought of death.

I could go on and on about how we're not getting any younger, about the status of my abused body and how it threatens me each day with tiny pokes and pinpoints of pain that say, "Hey, fatty. How's that heart tickin'?" I could go on and on about how my dad was two years younger than I am now when his heart exploded, about how I'm not going to let that happen to me, and even how I've taken extraordinary steps--like voluntarily subjecting myself to a friggin' angiogram to get to the bottom of the aforementioned pokes.

But, like I said, I'm not going to do that. I'm going to talk about her. The one who inspires me. The love of my life.

I love it when she gets like this.

Today I came home to see my lovely wife all smiles and inspiration. Like two two electrically-charged heart cells, when she's gloomy I'm gloomy and when she's inspired I'm inspired. After the day I'd had, I was relieved to see the latter.

The surprise of the day, and something nearly awesome enough to mark as an anniversary in my Google calendar, came in the form of the most incredible, colorful and tasty dinner I have ever had in my life. Yeah, it's the next day and I wish I could have it for breakfast.

For dinner my darling wife prepared a salad. But this was no ordinary salad. I believe she called it an American salad--and why not--the predominant colors were red, white and blue. Though who would have originally come up with this idea is beyond me. These are not things that were meant to be together... or so I'd thought.

Here's what was on it (you'll cringe as I did, but trust me... Best. Salad. Ever.):
- Lettuce - Grilled Chicken (From here it gets interesting) - Spinach - Bleu Cheese (More interesting) - Walnuts (Crazy) - Strawberries - Blueberries - Raspberry Vinegarette dressing.

Yeah. Oh, my God. Best thing I ever ate. I actually dreamt about dinner last night.

That's why I've decided to dedicate my health blog to my wife Melanie. As she talks about her various random health topics each time, I'm going to talk about her and how she's doing--no pressure, hon. I'll keep the topics going, but my spin will definitely be that of a reporter's point of view.

And I know it's going to be inspiring.

Wouldn't you like to be a Skyper too?

I'm now a Skyper!

You know how necessity is the mother of invention? Well, it became necessary for me to find an inexpensive VOIP (Voice Over I.P.) product to use when gaming online.

In case you missed the bulletin, my latest distraction is playing Star Trek Online with friends. I'm in open beta. That's right... I'm officially a beta tester! W00t!

I did my research, looked at Skype, Teamgamer, Ventrilo, Mumble and others--and settled with Skype for the following reasons:

1. It's FREE (for all Skype-to-Skype calls)
2. It works like a dream while playing computer games (and using Photoshop, updating blogs, etc.)
3. It's crystal clear.
4. It's FREE
5. I can also use it for family Skype-to-Skype calls (talked to my sister over videophone. Sweet!)
6. FREE FREE FREE.

Feel free to Skype at me some time. My handle is "michaeljrigg".

Boldly Going...

All right, it's time I came out of the closet.

The Nerd Closet.

I've always been a fan of Star Trek, though I'd never say that I was a Trekkie or a Trekker or even a Trekovian. I was simply raised on sci-fi. In the middle of the night, when I had a bad dream, I'd often follow the flickering blue glow of the television into the living room where I'd find my dad in his underwear, tucked into his favorite chair, eating a Hostess Twinkie and watching Space 1999, The Twilight Zone... or the original Star Trek series.

From the late '60s into the '70s, I was gradually indoctrinated. In the '80s--between chess club and Speech Team--I'd often discuss the merits and differences between 'Trek and 'Wars with my fellow Nerdlings. Naturally, when Star Trek: The Next Generation... Deep Space Nine... Voyager came out, I was glued.

I had always been more of a 'Warsie than a 'Trekkie... until the prequel movies came out. I thought Lucas kind of lost the original 12 year-olds when he made the newer movies, trying to catch more 12 year-olds in a new age, forgetting those of us who grew up with Luke and Han. By Star Wars III it was too late.

I started to turn back toward Trek with the Next Gen movies, but I admit that I'd never seen Nemesis. I'd also never seen all the episodes of DS9 or Voyager. I suppose I kind of "grew out of" them.

Though you never really grow out of Star Trek if you're a nerd at heart, do you, and when I learned from a fellow Nerd about the creation of a Star Trek MMO, I was suddenly rekindled. I never got into the Massively Multiplayer Online games. Though a big D&D player (see, more NERD) in high school, I never saw the appeal of games like World of Warcraft or Everquest. While I raised my eyebrows when Star Wars Galaxies came out, I was kept from making a mistake by a well-meaning buddy who told me it was a waste of time (meaning: tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimmmmmmmmmmmmmmmme). And let's face it. Time is a commodity I often run short of (as readers of this blog will surely agree).

But now comes my old friend Trek, returning after a long mission, ready to explore "strange new worlds" once again.

Star Trek Online has been in development for years, and veteran MMO gaming company, Cryptic, seems to have created something really really... fascinating.

The game hits stores on February 2, 2010, but I jumped on an open beta pre-order and expect to be blasting Klingons and exploring the virtual galaxy in just under seven days (yes, I'm counting: 7 days, 1 hour, 55 minutes as of this sentence). Cryptic, using a tried-and-true game engine, has answered the needs--apparently--of MMOers around the world, and they've kept true to fans of all the Treks. Even, begrudgingly to some purists, the JJ Abrams variety. The troobs (Trek Noobs).

I've been following the path closely through my aforementioned nerd-buddy, but now I'm fully invested. This game looks very exciting and comes packaged complete with a syringe and rubber strap so the Nerdcotics fix can hit the blood running.

So, how deep am I going? Why don't you come with me and find out? If you're any kind of Trek enthusiast (of any era over the last umpteen permutations and 40+ years), or if you're hooked on playing computer games online with hundreds of thousands of people simultaneously (I'm betting this title will KILL the record books), why don't you join me?

I've co-created a starter "fleet" of sorts (in Star Trek Online you get to command your very own starship--her nerdy-effin-cool is that!?) called Task Force Fontana <- That's the link that will take you directly to it. Take a look at what's there if you're even mildly nerdy, or still in the Nerd Closet. I've got links to the official game site, a Star Trek info site, and a dedicated podcast site all lined up on the right panel of the main page. If you're interested in helping us form a fleet (I think we'll need somewhere between five and 10 members to get our charter), drop me a line. My contact info is on the site. Or, you can connect with me by replying here or anonymously through my home base Michael Rigg Dot Com.

I hope to see you there!
Live long and prosper, my friends. Let us toast with Twinkies among the stars. (okay, maybe that was a bit much)

0 9 N Y R 1 0

Another new year is upon us and I don't think anyone really acknowledged what we all just lost.

Do you realize we will never see another "single-digit" year again? Sure, there may have been some babies born near the latter half of the past decade who will remember the '00-'09 when the world stops to ponder the latest end-of-the-world-calendar-tick propaganda in 2100, but none of us will ever see it.

For me it would mean living until I'm at least 134 years old. Sure, I am immortal, but even immortality has its limits (yeah, you can quote me on that).

So, what has 2009 taught me? Isn't that a better way of framing New Year's Resolutions?

@ -- I need to have more experiences. In 2009 I had my first airline flight. And, no, I wasn't nervous. I'd say the most "rattling" came from the bus ride to the airport. The flight itself was easy-peasy.

# -- Weight loss is easy. It doesn't take resolutions and it doesn't take "setting goals." It's a simple combination of rational behavior, common sense, and willpower. Period. Use the Nike slogan. And another thing. We as a race of humans need to stop with the resolution of "weight loss." Come on, folks. It has nothing to do with weight loss at all, does it? It has everything to do with self-image and feeling good. Maybe you don't have to lose weight--ever consider that? What if you just change your attitude. I guarantee you that's 75 percent of the battle. This year I'm going to change my attitude... and watch the pounds melt away.

& -- Am I a writer, or ain't I? (Don't answer that.) I learned that things don't get done if you don't do them. I have had the Love of My Life sitting in my lap for the past few months and haven't touched her. Here is my solemn vow to those few loyal fans who may actually hang on my blog for any word of the next novel or blognovel: One Dark Chance will be published in 2010! There. I said it. Done. And I'm not going to talk about doing anymore. I'm just going to do it.

$ -- Am I a comic? A comedian? A comedy writer? In '09 I was asked again to "perform" before an audience and did so with a modicum of encouraging approval. Each year I do my little shtick I find I'm tempted by the idea.... Can I do this as a side job? Can I make people laugh who don't know me? Can I write jokes? I hope to find out in 2010.

Well, that's the @#&$ of 2009. I've got several blog postings to write between now and the eve of 2011. Let's see what I can accomplish.

Mr. Sulu, full speed ahead.

From my WRITING desk in Lansing, IL
Michael J. Rigg

PS - This year I think I'm going to... ride a horse. Yeah. That'll be one of my main goals for 2010. Anybody own a ranch?

Resistance is Bullshot

Man, I hate living with a CPAP machine.

Forget the discomfort, the fact that--like smoking cigarettes--the "high" you get from it wears off after the first few times, CPAPs are just plain suck all.

For those of you who never heard of them, CPAP (Continuous Positive Air Pressure) machines are the cheap shove-it-down-your-fat-throat medical alternatives to eating right and exercising (the expensive version being gastric bypass surgery). Both have become the idle hand-wave of physicians who have no idea how to educate patients on the proper way to diet and exercise.

The machine is basically a filter-pump that forces air through a hose and up your nose, or--in my case--nose and mouth (because I also have a deviated septum). The theory is that if your body won't move muscles to allow you to breathe easily, a machine can do it for you by forcing the air into your lungs.

The bad thing about it is sometimes your throat closes anyway. Then where does the air go? I'd rather not get into details, but it goes the only other place it can.... In to your stomach. Talk about PAIN!

Recently, I threw myself to the weight loss wolves. I did a little pre-Christmas "Riggest Loser" spiel to see if I could get down to, or below, 300 lbs. by Christmas. I didn't quite make it, though I'm still holding at -8. Why 300 and not 250? Because 300 is my CPAP wall. 300 is the magical weight that allows me to sleep normally and not like a choking hippopotamus.

Why the rant now? This morning I woke with a triangle of red, painful acne from the bridge of my nose to the corners of my mouth. Tonight I'm sleeping in my office under my desk because I can't sleep with that damn machine tonight, and because I don't want to keep my wife awake with the snoring and stopping-breathing thing.

I can't wait to get below that 300, if for no other reason than to tell the physicians of the world that they can take their handbag sleep apnea diagnosis and shove it up their stethoscopes.

I refuse to be assimilated.

Zzzzzzzzzzz Michael Rigg

Ah ha! You're fat, aren't you!?

I haven't posted on the Spider in a while, and--since December was Get Fit or Die month--that can only mean one thing, can't it? I've failed! I've sucked down calories like a great enormous sucking thing that consumes stuff.

Well, no. Actually, I've managed to MAINTAIN my last weigh-in, though I am expecting to actually put on a couple. How could I not? The last month of 2009 has featured the Christmas Of One Thousand Cookies! Good Lord!

So, I guess it's back to the good ol' New Year's Resolution, huh? I hate those. Don't you?

That's why I plan to resolve not to resolve anything. I'm just going to set my mind to working on my writing every day, keeping my blogs, my Web site, and my contacts up-to-date, tapping Facebook and Twitter almost constantly.... Wait a minute. That's kind of like resolving, isn't it?

Damn.

Oh, well. Happy New Year, everyone! I'll see you again before the year's out!

Resolutely,
Michael