Resistance is Bullshot

Man, I hate living with a CPAP machine.

Forget the discomfort, the fact that--like smoking cigarettes--the "high" you get from it wears off after the first few times, CPAPs are just plain suck all.

For those of you who never heard of them, CPAP (Continuous Positive Air Pressure) machines are the cheap shove-it-down-your-fat-throat medical alternatives to eating right and exercising (the expensive version being gastric bypass surgery). Both have become the idle hand-wave of physicians who have no idea how to educate patients on the proper way to diet and exercise.

The machine is basically a filter-pump that forces air through a hose and up your nose, or--in my case--nose and mouth (because I also have a deviated septum). The theory is that if your body won't move muscles to allow you to breathe easily, a machine can do it for you by forcing the air into your lungs.

The bad thing about it is sometimes your throat closes anyway. Then where does the air go? I'd rather not get into details, but it goes the only other place it can.... In to your stomach. Talk about PAIN!

Recently, I threw myself to the weight loss wolves. I did a little pre-Christmas "Riggest Loser" spiel to see if I could get down to, or below, 300 lbs. by Christmas. I didn't quite make it, though I'm still holding at -8. Why 300 and not 250? Because 300 is my CPAP wall. 300 is the magical weight that allows me to sleep normally and not like a choking hippopotamus.

Why the rant now? This morning I woke with a triangle of red, painful acne from the bridge of my nose to the corners of my mouth. Tonight I'm sleeping in my office under my desk because I can't sleep with that damn machine tonight, and because I don't want to keep my wife awake with the snoring and stopping-breathing thing.

I can't wait to get below that 300, if for no other reason than to tell the physicians of the world that they can take their handbag sleep apnea diagnosis and shove it up their stethoscopes.

I refuse to be assimilated.

Zzzzzzzzzzz Michael Rigg

Ah ha! You're fat, aren't you!?

I haven't posted on the Spider in a while, and--since December was Get Fit or Die month--that can only mean one thing, can't it? I've failed! I've sucked down calories like a great enormous sucking thing that consumes stuff.

Well, no. Actually, I've managed to MAINTAIN my last weigh-in, though I am expecting to actually put on a couple. How could I not? The last month of 2009 has featured the Christmas Of One Thousand Cookies! Good Lord!

So, I guess it's back to the good ol' New Year's Resolution, huh? I hate those. Don't you?

That's why I plan to resolve not to resolve anything. I'm just going to set my mind to working on my writing every day, keeping my blogs, my Web site, and my contacts up-to-date, tapping Facebook and Twitter almost constantly.... Wait a minute. That's kind of like resolving, isn't it?

Damn.

Oh, well. Happy New Year, everyone! I'll see you again before the year's out!

Resolutely,
Michael

Riggest Loser - WEIGH IN 2

Weigh-in time... AGAIN!

Oh, man, I am SO not looking forward to getting on that scale at the ranch tonight. I am in serious trouble.

Last week I ate like a fat guy at a Get Fatter Contest. We had a going-away party at work which meant pizza for lunch (for which I took my share). We had a Friends are Over pizza party for dinner (for which I had my... pizza).

Top that off with a weekend craving for cookies and milk (for which I succumbed, then proceeded to eat half a bag of Chips Ahoy!)

Damn it! Why wasn't I paying attention. It's like I'm sabotaging myself on the weekend by thinking "The weigh-in's not until Tuesday. I still have Monday night to make it right for the weekend!" What a totally irresponsible way to think of my ONE MONTH chance at better health.

Did I work out?

Not as much as I should have. And, if this were one of those "Biggest Loser" before-the-weigh-in videotaped confessionals, I'd probably say:

"I swear I'm not a game player! I'm not purposely trying to gain--or keep my weight just so I can stab somebody in the back. I mean... Jeez! You saw how Jillian was riding me in the gym. There is no human way that ANY human being could lift 500 lbs. with one hand. I kept telling her that, but she made me do it anyway. Will it pay off at the weigh-in tonight? Doubt it. I'm below the yellow line, man. I can feel it. I'm going home."

The only saving grace I have is the "last chance workout" I put myself through last night. I am so sore... I don't know. I guess we'll see.

Guess it's time to step on that scale.

"Michael, last week you weighed in at 323 pounds. You've lost three pounds so far. Why don't you step on that scale and see what you've done this week...."

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WEIGH-IN

WEEK 3

OH, MY GOD!!!!

OH! MY! GOD!!!! I DID IT! I BROKE THE 20S! I ACTUALLY BROKE THE 20S!!

The question remains.... Can I lose that 19 lbs in the next two weeks? Can I double what I did this week... two weeks in a row?

Tune in.

Checking in (Last Chance Workout)

Well, it has been a trying week.

I've had a major job change, had a load of creative work to trudge through, had to perform on stage, and now I'm mentally and physically beat.

Add to that my diet of the past few days. I've had pizza more times in the past few days than I've had in a month, and I haven't really worked out.

Tonight is my "last chance workout," as they call it on The Biggest Loser. I don't know how much I'll be able to cut away before tomorrow's weigh-in, and I'm nervous. And I hate the fact that I've just spent a couple paragraphs listing excuses.

That's the next thing I'll have to work on: Rule 1: No Excuses.

Now I'm going to go workout. Back in a sec.
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Okay, I'm back. And proud.

We'll see if this pays off tomorrow (I weigh-in in the morning). I just did a 1-mile fast walk, did three sets of 20 150-lb pull-downs, and 25 15-lb free-weight arm curls. That, to me, is a major workout.

Tune in tomorrow to see if it paid off.

Peace n' Love!
(Except for the Asian spamming, which is really really ridiculous).

Who are these Asians!?

Spam is bad enough, but when all it is is Asian characters I can't even read... that's just damn ridiculous. Give it up, Kim, you'll never get U.S. secrets outta me!

So, yesterday I felt like total crap, but I forced myself to workout and--guess what?--Yeah. Walked a mile. I also did some arm toning.

Today, no workout, but I did cut back on what I ate.

I'm planning for a great weigh-in next Tuesday (of course I'll have to fight temptation tomorrow: double dining on deep dish: pizza celebrations at lunch and dinner).

Must. Stay. Strong.

31 Days! 1 Chance! 3 Pounds so far!

Riggest Loser - WEIGH IN 1

Weigh-in time. :(

And, man, I am craving cookies.

Looking back, I had a lot of minor failures. I've been stressed about changes at work, worn out by long drives to and from work, and I've stressed over the approaching holidays and how I'm going to afford them.

It's a tough battle to fight. It's hard to lose weight when you're so distracted by ... well, life.

Tonight I watched The Biggest Loser finale and was amazed at so many of the transformations. It really is inspiring, but it's not enough. I mean short of being on the damn show yourself there's really only one way to be inspired... to inspire yourself.

This past week I ate bad. I drank caffeine. I slept poorly. I only worked out three times and all three were lame.

Could I lose any weight this week?

My guess is that I'll gain a pound... or stay the same.

Guess it's time to step on that scale.

"Michael, when you first stepped on that scale you weighed 326 pounds. Let's see how you did this week."

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WEIGH-IN

WEEK 2

Boy, was I surprised!

Yeah!!!!

It's not much, probably because I'm not on national television being forced to workout for 8 hours at a stretch, but I did it! Week 1 and I actually lost some weight!

Now that's inspiring! If I can lose three pounds by just barely thinking about it, imagine what I can do if I really put my mind to it!

Stay tuned. How do you think I'll do next Tuesday?

Next week I plan to break the 20s!

Such a Loser

I'm so worn out from my 72-mile drive (round-trip for the new gig at the silo), I don't feel like doing much. I don't think I'm going to workout tonight, though I know I should.

I have work to do for the DAYJ, but I'm not feelin' that either.

I never knew a simple drive would leave me so worn out!

Ups and Downs

Oh, the "Riggest Loser" has had some ups and downs.

For starters, I haven't--as promised--blogged daily about my progress, the mini-upsets and the macro-successes. I've let a lot drop under the guise of "It's just the first week."

But, the hard truth is I'm going to have a weigh-in Tuesday morning and I don't want a positive number, or a zero. A positive number would be worse. A zero, at this point, might not actually be bad because I've been eating like sh*t (for dinner today, for example, I had nachos and cheese, then some eggnog ice cream). Seriously? Jillian Michaels would kill me for something like that.

So far, I've had one lengthy but sweat-free workout (not really a workout at all if you don't sweat, is it?) and two intense-but-short workouts. Tonight I had a serious asthma attack.

Tomorrow is Monday. It is, what they call on The Biggest Loser, time for the "last chance workout" before the weigh-in.

Wish me luck. I'm going to need it.

I'm hoping to see a good change on this scoreboard. But I know I'm going to have to work even harder next week.

From the gym,
Mike

Doin' well so far.

The depression from last night seems to have passed, but I can sense it just outside the periphery of my brain.

Today went fairly well. Though I kept grabbing chocolate from Dawn's desk--thanks, Dawn :( --my lunch was filling but minimal, dinner was light (and very, very good), and I just finished an extremely heavy 15-minute workout.

I say extremely heavy because I'm coming down off an asthma attack. Pretty intense cardio, I'd say.


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Before I go to bed tonight I'm going to continue reading. Stephen King's Under the Dome is the best damn King since The Stand. Seriously. I'm only a quarter of the way through this immense tome and I have to say it Castle ROCKS. Sorry for the pun, King fans.

I think I'll also look over my Plot Point Post-Its for my new blognovel project.

All in all a fairly good day.


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Tomorrow is my farewell lunch at work. It feels so good to have so many friends and well-wishers, though I'm resistant. After all, I'm just relocating to another office.

We'll see how it goes.

Still. All in all a fairly good day.

Later, my friends!
Michael

Log Book

"Riggest Loser" Day 2. Since I'm on furlough today, at home with nothing but my butt in a chair, I thought I'd log my activities throughout the day and hit the PUBLISH button tonight.

2 a.m. -- Finally went to bed. The bad part is that I actually ate before I went to bed. And it wasn't just anything. I ate my mother-in-law's stuffing, then I had a sweet tooth and gnawed on a spoonful of peanut butter, then I had a glass of milk. I don't know why I didn't start kicking my own ass right then. I knew better. It's just that "Day 1" thing where you say, "One more time for old time's sake!" I'm going to regret that at this week's weigh-in.

DREAM: There was some kind of news coverage of an event from the top of a very thin tower. The reporter kept talking about the winds and "holding onto the camera for as long as he can," and "My foot keeps slipping." Yeah. That would be the stuffing nightmare.

9:13 a.m. -- Woke up and started this blog. Grabbed a glass of milk with which to take my pills. The great thing about this so far is I also had a dream about a BLOGNOVEL project I wanted to start.

1:36 p.m. -- Nice! I actually set my mind to doing something and accomplished it. First, I worked on some art for the next blognovel, then I worked out for 30 minutes! Then I took a shower, went to the vet to get Chewie his next round of meds, checked Amanda's radiator and helped her with the Thanksgiving garbage guts.... Now I'm back at the cpu with some warm turkey leftovers (dry) and a glass of white wine. Hey, one cut-back at a time, ok? Now a break, then on to the next round.

5:26 p.m. -- Good break, but now I'm hard at work on the new blognovel Plot Point Post-Its. I'm looking to start posting chapters in January!!! Much glee felt here!

7:07 p.m. -- Glee depletes. Ended up falling asleep for over an hour and no one thought to wake me. I don't typically sleep through dinner or feeding the dogs, and now I'm too late to pick up Chewie's medicine. Hope he can hold out for another day. On another note, I believe I am developing Super Hearing because despite the use of ear plugs and noise-canceling headphones blaring Radiohead I can still hear that blasted noise from downstairs. I honestly don't know how the others can stand it.

Oh, well. Back to the writing project.... or not....

I'm feeling a wave of depression lapping at me and I don't know what's causing it. I'm irritable and feeling disjointed. I'm starting a new job on Monday and had been feeling pretty good about things.

Now.... I don't know how I feel.

THE RIGGEST LOSER

I got to thinkin'.

Actually, my wife had the idea. I just got to thinkin' about it.

Quite a few of us carried on for 30 days straight with that whole National Blog Posting Month (NaBloPoMo) thing. Unbelievably, I actually wrote 30 blog posts in 30 days. Granted, I didn't allow myself any time to do any "serious" writing, nor did I edit, nor did I even think about other writing projects. I just blogged and diddled with Photoshop.

And, as I did, I got fatter and fatter. I sat at my desk for long periods of time, eating, playing computer games, and gaining weight as I blogged daily on random topics.

I'll tell ya, by the end of the 30 I was ready to nap.

Then my wife suggested to the group that we go another month, but not just with any blog topic--no matter how interesting or cool--but to blog about health. We can chart our weight loss progress, talk about how we ate and fell to other vices. Maybe we can talk about stopping smoking or drinking. Maybe we can talk about giving up ice-cream or cheese....

Then she lost me as I dreamt about drizzling golden glorious cheese over the jagged peaks of delicious nachos--

But I digress.

It hit me. If I can actually sustain something as complex as a lengthy, wordy, top-10-list-ridden, or Alanis-Morissette-mentioning blog, why can't I log in and simply say, "I'm doin' fine. I ate well and walked half a mile today"?

Why not?

And, if I keep myself to the blog, I'm likely to keep to the physical activity and well-eating aren't I?

Let's find out.

THE RIGGEST LOSER

WEEK 1, DAY 1

The Weigh-in

Here's the starting point. I'll let you know next Tuesday how it's going. In the meantime, I plan to blog every day--not just about how the health kick is doing, but about other stuff as well. I understand the NaBlos are finishing off the topics. Maybe I'll follow along.

Wish me luck! GO GREEN TEAM!